Can Purell be used as lube?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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