I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
did i just pee glitter
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
