the condom got lost in my hair
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize