I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
