I'm gonna have a badass scar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
