May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
