Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
either way he was missing a nipple.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
