Pappa wants mamma naked
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
tell me about the eggs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
