i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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