Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
