I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize