found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
