Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
