I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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