The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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