i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
