You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
