Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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