Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my being single is dangerous.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize