Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
