I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
