Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
