I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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