So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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