my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
