i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
