It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
