Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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