I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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