Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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