OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize