Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
