My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
