apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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