Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
