I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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