RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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