I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
