U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
NoShamevember. You game?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
