I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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