she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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