did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The air taste purple.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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