We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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