thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
