what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
