Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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