"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
