having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
