Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
