I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ruined the universe
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
