Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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