so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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