One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
