Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
