Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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