Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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