I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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