i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
