He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
