I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
