Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
