I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
