I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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