So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
