She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
