am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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