I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
