Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
