You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
