And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
