i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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