If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
