Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
