Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
