We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
