I think im going to throw up on grandma
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
