BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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