I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
