How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
