escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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