i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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