Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
