Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
