my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
