you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
whose ass print is on the piano?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
