wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
