Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
