So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
