Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
