I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My cat gives me a boner
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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