you guys were way drunker than both of me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
