i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
