So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
