I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
