Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
