remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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