What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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