I want to stick my p in your. b.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
