who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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