genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
