Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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