just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize