I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
