Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
