its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
