you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
