He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
